I was waiting for God to speak to me. Arrested in liminality and hoping that it would come with trumpets and perhaps some sax and bass, I kept waiting. Inhaling deeply in the black of night, I finally heard the voice of God and it was so familiar sounding that I dismissed it. It could not be. But it was. It is. She is me.
I have realized that when the people you love, and who most assuredly love you, are dismissive of your dreams, goals, path, etc., it is highly likely that they are afraid. They are afraid for you in terms of missteps, failure, lack of acceptance, increased burdens, and more. They don’t want to see you hurt. But they are also afraid of your success. What does that mean for your relationship with them? Will they be left behind? Will you change? Everything that looks like jealousy isn’t. In fact, jealousy is just a form of fear. All you can do is love them and continue to treat them with respect. Now if they pull away or begin to treat you differently, do not take it personal. That is their shit to work out, not yours. You may have to love them from a distance, but continue to stay love, be love, and continue on your path.
Life has away of repeatedly cracking me open, spilling what I thought I knew across the floor, making space for what I need next. Sometimes this teeters on the brink of the unbearable, but I always catch my breath…eventually. I also handle it differently than I did 10, 20 years ago. In the past, I’d try to drown it with whatever seemed to displace the impending feelings of being ripped apart—food, sex, rage, alcohol. Now, I anticipate it, hopeful for what is to come. I am able to be still, welcome it, and sew my new self together again.
Part of the story of black music has been this - that losing everything except basic dignity and decency is a potentially survivable disaster. The other part is that staying true to the best in yourself may mean talking in dark, crazed, visionary tongues for a season.Mark Sinker, “Loving the Alien: Black Science Fiction” The Wire, 1992. (via purposefulthoughts)
Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.Robin Sharma (via severs)